This is a collection of genuine student bloopers on the subjects of love and marriage, arranged in essay form.

Matrimony is one of the United States. It's also a place where souls suffer for a time on account of their sins. Nowadays, it is not so usual for a man to insult a girl's mother before he marries her. A mother-in-law is part of marriage that cannot be escaped, like the bride. Newspapers are useful for reporting calamities such as marriages. Another name for marriage is acrimony, sometimes called wholly acrimony. Confusingly, acrimony is also the word for what a man gives his divorced wife.

Women get married in white because white is the colour that stands for joy. Men are not married in white. When the wedding is all over, the couple wear special clothes called divorce suits. A man with several wives, preferably living, is called a polygon. Having two wives living at the same time, and not being able to get rid of one of them, is also known as ambiguity. When a man has a wife and has got another living he is said to have committed boycott. The punishment is seven years in prison and two mothers-in-law.

A woman who marries two husbands or more is known as an optimist. For women, the act of having more than one husband at the same time is an example of animal husbandry. A love affair during marriage is known as a spoonerism, whereas an unbridled orgy is a wild horse. Before Freud, people did not have any complexes, but we know much better today.

The plural of spouse is spice. But in Christianity a man can only have one wife. This is called monotony. This is despite the Bible saying Solomon had 700 wives and 300 porcupines. Solomon's temple was one half for him and the other half for his many wives. In the middle was the sanctuary. Solomon was the wisest man of his time, owing to the fact that he had so many wives to advise him.

Even Buddha lived a normal life with a wife and family, and when we was thirty, he left home in search of happiness. The Eskimos hardly have any wives at all.

The word sinister applies to a woman who hasn't married. This is different from a spinster, which is a machine on which wool is bound. An unmarried man is called a bachelor. Bachelors are rich men. They are always bald. Yet, even though he married three times, Charles the Bald died without a hair.

Celibacy, on the other hand, is a disease of the brain. It's the crime a priest commits when he marries. It means to clean out cellars. Famously, the favourite instrument of the ancient Arabians was the eunuch.

Reproduction is the life process by which an organist produces others of its kind. During the Industrial Revolution, people stopped reproducing manually and started reproducing by machinery.

Perspective is when a lady is going to have a baby. When two children are born together they are called twins. When there are three, they are culprits. You can be a boy or a girl and in our school we have half girls. Where a child looks like his father, it's called heresy. A child born after his father’s death is said to be preposterous. In this country, you have to produce a certificate before you can 'prove you are born.

The process of fertilization is how an alien becomes a citizen. My brother was born just outside of Matlock. I was born out of Wedlock. Last year, many lives were caused by accidents. My brother was born so small that he had to be put in an accumulator. Although tiny, a baby is the most useful mammal because it will be a great help to its family when it grows up. My father was born in poor circumstances, but he did a rich man. He used to be a sailor but then worked for a living.

My teacher taught us how to interrupt romantic poetry. In poetry, a dramatic monologue is a conversation between two people, such as husband and wife. Milton wrote a sonnet on his diseased wife. He wrote "Paradise Lost" and, when his wife died, he wrote "Paradise Regained". Tennyson also betrayed women very successfully. And when Robert Louis Stevenson got married and went on his honeymoon, he wrote "Travels with a Donkey".

So, wherever woman goes, you will find mangoes. That’s because some women are pretty while others are teachers. Fortunately, there are many eligible fish in the North Sea.