Preface  |  A  |  B  |  C  |  D  |  E  |  F  |  G  |  H  |  I  |  J , K  |  L  |  M  |  N  |  O  |  P  |  Q, R  |  S  |  T  |  U  |  V  |  W  |  X, Y, Z  |  Index

L

L.B.W. Lemon Barley Water.

LACQUER n. an alcoholic drink.

LADIES n. the plural possessive of gentlemen.

LAISSEZ FAIRE n. being too lazy to bother about doing things and you just let them get done so long as they are done. It is French.

LAND TAX n. a levy applied to everything that the land possesses, from a COW or a sheep to the number of arms that a man possesses.

LATITUDE n. when you do wrong and don’t get the strap.

LAVA n. the stuff a BARBER puts on your face.

LAWSUIT n. the uniform worn by a policeman.

LAXITY n. a cure for constipation.

LEAP YEAR n. instead of its being the next day on the same day next year, it’s the day after.

LEGIONS n. sores on your legs.

LENT n. a dull time that we deliberately make even duller.  

LEPER n. a fierce wild animal.

Leper

Above: a student mistakes leper (someone who has leprosy) with leopard. The student's mistake gives us an opportunity to confront some misconceptions and stigma about leprosy. Contrary to popular belief, leprosy isn't very contagious at all, and the disease is curable. Many of The Funny Dictionary's readers come from developing countries, where leprosy is more common than in other parts of the world. Fortunately, the number of cases of people with leprosy has fallen dramatically in the last few decades. If we can combat the stigma, then hopefully more people will feel comfortable reporting their symptoms, getting early treatment, and becoming cured.

LETHARGY n. 1. a sort of contagious disease. 2. what you expect to inherit from your parents.

LEVITY n. taxes.

LIAR n. 1. a common noun, masculine voice 2. an improper noun. 3. something like the bagpipes.

LIE n. a very bad virtue.

LIFE n. something inside of you that keeps you from going dead.

LINE n. a length of breadth.

LINGERIE vb. another name for hanging about.

LIQUOR n. another word for tongue.  

LITERALLY adv. figuratively. See also, FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE.  

LITRE n. a nest of young puppies.

Litre

Above: So many mistakes in just five words, including confusing litre (a unit of capacity) with litter (a number of animals born to an animal at one time). (Illustration by Tosh Bibb.)

LOGARITHM n. the number of times a given number must be squared in order that the given number may be equal to this number.

LONGITUDE n. east and west of the mermaid.

LUCRE n. a window shopper.

LULLABY n. when a guy wants to get out of telling the truth and he makes up an excuse. See also, ALI BABA, ALIBI.

LUNATIC n. from luna, meaning the moon, and attic, meaning top story.

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